Things change for the better...or worse?

You know, things always seem to be getting worse and worse for me. It's almost as though I can foresee that another big one will be coming up next. Soon. It's like tetris. You start with level 1, where the blocks drops down really slowly and you have so much time to arrange the blocks nicely. As you proceed to level 5, your hands have to work faster than your brain or else you'll screw it up. By level 10, you can almost barely see what shape the block is when it drops down cause it is too fast to catch up. By then, all your blocks would have been stacked up and have barely anymore space to place the blocks, and eventually you die. Game over. It gets harder and harder and in my case, initially I thought that, 'this had got to be the worst that could happen to me!' but little did I know, that things will get worse later on. Naive I was, I thought things would be better, as told by many. Instead, every other day I am feeling worse and worse because I keep finding out more and more about the brutal truth. Every time I find out something, I write in my secret journal "this has got to be the worst I have experienced" but later on it gets worse and worse until I am so afraid to do anything now. I wish I could either turn back time, undo the things I shouldn't do, or just stay stagnant. Yes, stagnant, at least I wouldn't have to go through the 'worse' that is coming my way.
I really hate it. It is VERY tormenting. When will it end? Can someone give me an answer? Is there a secret path out?

Down the drain

My effort has all gone down the drain. I should have known. I should have believed my own instinct. Because I kept living in denial, it got from bad to worse. I don't know who to blame, myself or him. It doesn't matter now. It doesn't matter who's at fault. Cause it is the least of my concern. My concern now is.... what's my concern? I don't even know what the heck do I want and where the heck do I go from here. I guess I am not given a choice. I have to take the road that I've been dreading to take.
I pray for strength and motivation. I pray for all the good things to start coming to me now, I really need it at this critical moment. Please.